First Dates: 7 Essential Tips for Over 50’s Women
So you’ve finally decided to dip your toes into the world of over 50s dating.
It can be an exciting journey and you could potentially end up meeting the love of your life.
However, like many women in their 50s, a lot of time may have passed since you last were on the dating scene.
The chances are you’ve forgotten the protocols, the unwritten rules, etc, of the dating minefield!
So I am here to give you seven pointers – a few tips on conducting yourself, specifically on the first date – if you want to make the best impression with your male date.
Also, I’ll be providing a few more tips on proceeding from the first date stage.
(I hope you find them useful. Feel free to leave your comments in the comments section of the foot of the post)
Tip1. Pay Attention To The Seating Arrangement.
This may seem a rather unimportant detail, but it’s surprising how two people position themselves, can influence how they interact, person to person.
So seating should not be interview style, where you’re sitting on one side of the table, and your date is sitting directly facing you. That can often make for an uncomfortable meeting.
Ideally, if you are at a square table, one of you should be on this side and your date should be seated ideally at a side angle from you.
That gives you the opportunity not to continually be staring at each other, as it allows your eyes to scan around the room, more naturally
Side-by-side seating works pretty well
Alternatively, you may meet your date and be sitting at the bar, for example. Sitting at the bar is great, as you can both kind of lean into each other at times, if you wish.
If you feel particularly comfortable with your date, you may want to reach out and put your hand briefly on his arm….or pat the top of his hand. That’s easier if you are in the right position to do that.
That’s more unnatural if you are sitting across the table like you’re at a job interview.
So that’s my number one tip – aim for some good seating arrangement.
Tip 2: Have A Two Drink maximum Rule On Your First Date.
We all have had dates go off in weird directions due to the overconsumption of alcohol. So I think if you are planning to have an alcoholic drink on your date , you should limit that to two – particularly for a first date.
That ensures you are not in danger of losing your inhibitions and that you are in control of all the choices you’re making in the moment.
Additionally, you do not want to be talking too much, which often happens with one two many drinks.
You want to be your best self and be responsible for your date behaviour….and that’s always much more achievable when you are sober.
Tip 3 – What To Wear And What Not To Wear
Watch what you wear on a first date. Now of course, you want to go on a date showing off the best you. So choose clothes that make you feel amazing.
But I want you to be aware of clothing that reveals too much of your cleavage (or any other part of your body).
Because when you’re doing all this revealing, even though you might feel you are being sexy, you’re showing up with a vibe that you could be up for sex tonight – on this first date.
Believe me; men take notice of that.
And if you’re showing up to assess your potential date primarily, then you do not want to be giving off signals that suggest you are up for anything else.
Now it is okay to show a little cleavage that does give off a ‘sensual’ vibe, if you really want to do it.
But if you decide to show 70% of your boobs (or anything else is hanging out), it says to most men that you’re potentially looking to ‘hook up’ on that first date.
And well, if you are, that’s okay. You are more than welcome to hook up.
But just be aware of the image you’re projecting, as you do not want to be misunderstood on your first date.
Tip 4 – Do Your Best To Be Your Authentic Self
Always ensure that you are being authentic. When you’re going on your date, always show up as the real you. That applies online and in person.
Love yourself for who you are and how you are. Because men of all types, equally love women of all shapes and sizes.
So do not be ashamed of your looks or your figure – be authentic and upfront with who you are and what you look like, before you go on any date.
You want a man who will like you just how you are. So don’t hide who you are. Embrace it.
Make Sure Your Photos Are Genuine Too.
Be sure you’re posting current pictures of yourself online. You want to post pictures that are less than a year old.
Please don’t post pictures of yourself taken eight years ago, because it will only end in stress and embarrassment. (and I know many men are guilty of doing this too)
It should be obvious to both dating partners to be posting current pictures. At least have a picture of your face and a full-length picture of your body.
Because I will tell you, men think you’re hiding something when you only post pictures of your face.
I know women think – Oh, if they only get to know me, they will discover I have a really good personality.
If they meet me, they’re gonna think, Hey, I’m really great… and they’ll ignore the fact that I am maybe a bit overweight.
And yes, that’s a great thought, but it doesn’t quite work that way.
When you post pictures that don’t fully represent who you are on the date, you come across as deceptive.
And neither you (nor any man) has an interest in dating someone who misrepresents themselves. So whether you’re thin, fat, or in between, do not be afraid to post a full-length picture of yourself.
Men prefer honesty, and you will be pleasantly surprised at just how many are actually none judgmental when it comes to a woman’s body shape.
Don’t Lie About Your Age
Of all the sins in the online dating world, lying about one’s age is probably up there at number one. Especially when we are middle-aged. The temptation to knock 6 years off our age is often too much for people.
You don’t want to try and pass yourself off as 40-something if you’re in your 50s. Or a 50-something if you’re in your 60s.
Come clean with your real age, because men are mostly attracted to your picture. And if you have great pictures, despite your age, then it’s fine.
Men on dating sites browse pictures of women of all ages, regardless of what they have in their profiles; believe me.
Tip 5: Do Not Complain About The Men In Your Life On A First Date.
Sometimes women show up on a date, and complain about how bad the last date was….or they talk about how their ex did something stupid last month, etc.
Men don’t like women showing up on a date and the first words coming out of their mouths, involve ‘male bashing’.
The reason they don’t like it is they think, God, what the heck are you gonna say about me after this date?
You also come across as a bit of a whinger if you’re talking trash about other men.
And if it’s a second date that you want with a nice man, do yourself a favor and keep your complaints about your exes with your female friends – not with other men.
Men – the ultimate fixers
Another reason for this is that men are wired to fix things for you.
And when you have an issue with an ex (who really might’ve been terrible to you), a man who’s just met you can’t do anything about that or help you.
So he also feels a tad frustrated that he can’t help you….and that can make him feel slightly inadequate.
Keep The trash talk to your girlfriends.
So again, your girlfriends are the place to be sharing this information if you’ve had bad dates or had an ex really do something not right.
Tip 6: Don’t Make A Man Your Pet Project
This is more of a tip for when you have moved on from early dating, and you have started to see each other more regularly.
Don’t make a man your pet project!
Even though you may dislike a man’s lifestyle, most men are okay with their lifestyle. They’re okay with themselves and the way they live.
And I will tell you repeatedly, men have said to me that it is the biggest turnoff when a woman comes in and starts telling him that he has to change something about himself to fit into her life.
If you don’t like a man for who he is, move on.
Because if you take on a man and you try and change him, some men are open to that, and they might like it in the beginning – but over time, they will feel that you are controlling and suffocating.
So you’ll have changed him all right, but you’ll have changed him for another woman!
So the best thing to do is not even to start trying to change men. It really is like him, or move on.
Tip 7: Let The Man Feel Good About Himself
I know, you are a strong, independent woman, and like most women your age, the chances are you’ve done a really great job being superwoman. You know how to do things fast, you know how to do them efficiently and quickly.
So it’s hard to emphasize this, but I’m going to tell you if you want an over-50s man in your life, you want to find a space for him and give him the ability to feel needed by taking care of some things for you.
Remember, when it comes to showing you love, men give it in the form of action, not words. And when he doesn’t feel you need him, he’ll often move on.
So you want to decide what’s more important to you – being a superwoman and doing it all yourself – or being a woman who can accept help from a man.
Now I know you may be thinking, if I accept help, that makes me feel weak. Not at all.
It makes you come across as someone that likes to have a man in her life that can help her.
He knows you can do it. He just wants to make your life easier for you.
Now, when I talk about ‘taking care of you’, I’m not referring to financially. I’m referring to how most men enjoy doing little things for you and seeing your appreciation.
If you are going to try to hook a man with the intention of supporting you financially, I can tell you you’re going down a bad road.
A road that will end in arguments and resentment and ultimately, disaster.
So maintain your financial independence for your own dignity.
Above All – Enjoy Yourself
So I hope you enjoyed the article. At the end of the day, there are no hard and fast rules about dating.
However, hopefully, you will have got one or two useful pointers from my article and they will give you some food for thought.
So good luck in your dating endeavors and I hope you meet someone that you can have a fulfilling relationship with.
If you have any comments, please feel free to leave them below.